Okay, I know I have been a little identity obessed throughout this blog. I was reading over past postings and beginning to wonder if it was relevant. When I look back over my life though, identity has been something that I have grappled with a lot. Psychologist say it is normal for children to assert their own identity, my daughter certainly does. A quick overview of the Bible show a great attack from the enemy on our and God's identity from the very get go. So, bear with me as I share yet another identity reaffirmation.
I was looking at my reflection in a sliding glass door yesterday. As I perused my somewhat gangly legs, I got a flash of a thoroghbred horse I saw once. I was out at Changing Gaits to interview the owner for a journalism class. He was showing me some of the therapy they do for people there. The air was filled with dust from the young man doing rounds on horseback around the workout barn. I followed his trail. And that was when I saw her. She was tall and lanky. Her coat shined warm chestnut, even in the dim barn. I turned back to the man I was interviewing as he showed me some of the horses they use. I looked shyly again at the thoroughbred. Volunteers were brushing her down, but her feet stamped impatiently at the ground. She didn't want to stand still there. She shifted with each stroke.
Looking away quickly, I wondered at my reticence toward her. I reasoned it must stem from the last close encounter I had had with a horse. He had nearly succeeded in bucking me and the guy assisting me to ride completely off. He wasn't a fan of men. I ended the whole affair with a bruised pelvic bone and a fear of being near horses not contained in a stall. When we approached the other horses, I found that I didn't feel ill at ease.
I hazarded another look across the barn at the chestnut. She turned and our eyes met. There is was in her eyes. She was fierce, powerful, and beautiful. Most importantly, she knew it. Her restlessness had not ceased. The man said all of the horses were a little nervous because the high winds that day shook the barn a little. But that wasn't what I saw in her eyes. She wasn't nervous. She wanted to run and breath nature in till it was a part of her.
Back at my makeshift mirror, I found my legs where shifting like hers. I understood how she felt. I was awed by her. I examined the rest of my reflection. I wondered if restlessness and lanky features were where our similarities ended. My sweatshirt, limp hair-do, and bags under my eyes didn't look very fierce. I felt like a nag. You know the one in the horse race that they run to make the others look even better. Any day now she may find herself out pasture or on the way to the glue factory. Deep down something stirred up again. There a desire to run wild and free and breath Jesus and creation in until they are a part of me cries to be let out.
I think we all have something in common with that horse. We are all thoroughbreds. A whole world of money and luxury surrounds the thoroughbred, but they don't take part. They don't seek comfort and painfree living. They have fire. They want to run. Something obscures that picture of us. The enemy I spoke of earlier seeks to use the intentional or careless words of those in our lives to past distorted images over our mirrors. Dancing with glee when we believe it and don't dig underneath the layers to the truth, he is ever vigilant to keep us distracted. He saddles us with a 300 pound jockey named Earl. So we trudge on.
Then, one glorious day we see a thoroughbred. The fire in her eyes matches the fire in our hearts. Perhaps we are not just nags. Perhaps we are fierce, powerful and beautiful. With great effort and pain, we begin to buck Earl. He tries to keep control with a death grip. But we are fierce, powerful, and beautiful. And we know it. Earl ends in a heap on the ground. We run to meet the creator of this desire. We can stand taller, run farther without summo Earl on our back. There are so many others we must tell them. We are thoroughbreds. We are fierce, powerful, and beautiful!